Don't Eat the Mushrooms
by J. R. Williams
Summary: No, this isn't a story on drugs. It's a parody of Woody Allen's Don't Drink the Water


Here is my second story here on My first being "The Matchbreaker" Which I must admit was horribly written. I wrote it like a script (since it was based off of a play) but it looked awful... So for this one (which is also based off of a play) I wrote it "regularly" So yeah! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or the story line.

Don't Eat the Mushrooms

Cast

Father Drobney... Toad

Ambassador Magee... Yoshi

Axel Magee... Luigi

Kilroy... Kamek

Ms. Burns... Kammy

Walter Hollander... Mario

Marion Hollander... Peach

Susan Hollander... Daisy

Krojack... Bowser

Chef... Toadette

Sultan of Bashir...Wario

Sultan's Wife...Wario's Wife

Kasnar... Waluigi

Countess... Birdo

Toad walks down the steps into the embassy's main room. Inside are Ambassador Yoshi, and Mr. Kamek.

"Hello, My name is Toad, Father Toad. In this town of Lakslavia, there is the Mushroom Kingdom's embassy. Many people spend their time there, and three more are about to be added to all this Chaos. But let me start at the beginning. Ambassador Yoshi, is in charge of this embassy. He is very intelligent, and very efficient, and always maintains a firm grasp on world events.

"Ambassador Yoshi has two apprentices. First there's Mr. Kamek. Mr. Kamek is bright eyed, and very efficient, and all of Yoshi's vital memo's are sent through him."

"Mr. Kamek, take a vital memo." Yoshi said, as he sipped a cup of hot chocolate from his favorite coffee mug.

"Yes sir." Mr. Kamek said as he grabbed his clipboard and his trusty pen, and began writing whatever Yoshi told him.

Suddenly loud steps are heard running down the embassy steps, and a man in a green hat, blue overalls, and a green shirt appears in the embassy's main room.

"And this is Yoshi's other assistant. Not exactly bright eyed, not exactly efficient. He's also the only man to have flushed a peace treaty down a toilet. The ONLY reason he has worked in this embassy for so long is because..."

"Ah there you are son!" Yoshi said as he finished sipping his hot chocolate.

"He's the embassador's son. Well this is where it all begins. I gotta get back up to my room. I'm afraid fru-fru is quite hungry." Toad turned around and ran up the embassy steps back to his room.

"Now son, I need to leave this embassy for just a _couple_ of weeks. And I expect you not to fail at that. See I'm quite tempted to leave Mr. Kamek in charge, but that, of course would be bad for our family image. So if you could just please not mess anything up that would be great."

"Don't worry dad. I've got everything under control" Luigi assured.

"You had better hope so" Yoshi picked up the suitcase he had finished packing, and walked toward the door. "Oh, and the only important guest we're having over these next two weeks is the Sultan of Wario land, Wario."

"I'll see that he gets royal treatment." Luigi

"Son you fail at puns, just like you fail at life. So please... just make sure nothing goes wrong. Because if it does I'll fire you. And if your _own _father fires you it's the end of the line. You got that! End of the line." Yoshi walked out, closing the embassy door behind him.

"Dude!" Kamek shouted. "Why you? Look at you, you fail at dressing!"

"Hey! The light in my closet went out."

"Well my grandma was blind and she dressed herself better than you." Kamek said.

"Well... tu madre es un senora de la noche sucio!" Luigi said, yelling profane words in Spanish.

"MY MOM IS NOT A DIRTY PROSTITUTE!" Kamek yelled. Kamek reached into his robes and pulled out his magic wand.

"Yeah, like you can hurt me with your magic."

Suddenly the phone rings, and both of them lunge toward the phone. Kamek dives on the table, and Luigi grabs the phone. As Luigi picks it up, the desk breaks, and everything falls off shattering on the floor.

"What was that?" The voice on the phone asked.

Luigi changed his voice to a British accent "I'm sorry dear, but I'm afraid you have the wrong number."

"No I don't," The voice on the phone said "I call this number every day."

"Yes you do, now go away." Luigi said, and he hung up the phone.

"Your British accent sucks." Kamek said

"Well your..." Luigi was interrupted by a series of loud bangs. "WHAT WAS THAT!" Luigi asked running towards the door.

"It sounded like a series of loud bangs!" Kamek said

"More like gun shots! Kamek look! Three people are running up the embassy steps. They look like tourists. They're being chased by the police!" Luigi yelled

"Let's open the door quickly!" Luigi yelled.

Kamek ran up to the door, and jerked it open, and three people ran inside. One was a short man, with brown hair. He had a red shirt, and blue overalls. And a red hat with an M on it. There was a lady with long blonde hair, and she wore a long pink dress. Then there was a girl with short brown hair, and she wore a golden dress.

"Help, help! We're Mushroom Kingdom tourists! The police are after us, they think we're spies!" The lady in pink yelled.

"We're Mushroom Kingdomians I swear!" The short, red man said.

More gun shots were fired, some crashing through the window.

"It's the POLICE!" The lady in the gold dress yelled. The three of them scattered, running into separate rooms.

Then with an angry growl, a large scaly looking reptile creature burst through the front door of the Embassy.

"Where are they?" The monstrous monster yelled.

"Who are you?" Kamek yelled, incredibly annoyed by this monster entering Mushroom Kingdom territory.

"I am Bowser, chief of the police. And I am here to kill those filthy Mushroom Kingdomian spies."

"Why are you calling them spies?" Luigi asked

"Because they were taking pictures in a restricted area." Bowser growled.

"Hey, that doesn't make them spies." Luigi said, trying to stay calm. "What did they take pictures of?"

"MIS-EYE-EL sites, and rocket installations" Bowser yelled

"Mis-eye-el?" Luigi asked "who pronounces that mis-eye-el?"

"Shut up! I'm going to find those filthy Mushroom Kingdomian spies, and I will drag them out and shoot them!" Bowser yelled

"Sheesh! Calm down will ya, and hey no one can be dragged out of here and shot without the written consent of the Mushroom Kingdom." Luigi said.

"Bowser! You presence here is an EXTREME violation of Mushroom Kingdom policy. Leave at once!" Kamek butted in.

"Yes! As Ambassador of this embassy I order you to LEAVE... immediately! Hey guns or no guns, I won't let you terrorize us."

Suddenly the kitchen doors swung open, and a small toad girl with a pink mushroom and white spots ran into the room, screaming. "MR. LUIGI! MR. LUIGI! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!"

"Yes, Toadette, I realize that." Luigi replied.

"THERE ARE PEOPLE STARRING INTO THE KITCHEN, AND I CANNOT COOK WHEN I'M BEING STARRED AT. I'M JUST THAT KIND OF PERSON." Toadette yelled.

"Toadette, please stopping talking in all caps. I'll have this all sorted out soon." Luigi said

"Who are you?" Bowser asked, towering over the mushroom girl.

"I'm Toadette, chef to Ambassador Yoshi. I was formerly chef to... Hey what's it matter to you. I'm just some distraught chef, and to make things worse... I HAD A CAKE IN THE OVEN AND YOUR GUN SHOTS MADE IT FALL!" Toadette stomped back into the kitchen.

"Way to go Bowser." Kamek said "you got her talking in all caps again. Mr. Luigi you stand firm and I'll lodge a formal protest."

Kamek made his way to the door, with Luigi following close behind. "How about you stand firm and I lodge a—" Luigi was cut off as Kamek slammed the door in his face. Luigi turned around, now alone with Bowser.

"Bowser, buddy. Let's stop being so hypocritical! You spy we spy... Everyone knows it." Luigi said

"You spy?" Bowser asked

"Yeah we do! But so do you, now if everyone just stopped being so hypocritical we wouldn't have to worry about all this!"

"So. . . You admit you spy?" Bowser said

"Yes." Luigi replied

"And, are they spies?" Bowser continued

"No... well maybe... I don't know." Luigi stuttered.

"So you're admitting they're spies." Bowser yelled.

"Hey stop twisting my words around." Luigi said

Kamek ran back into the room. "Mr. Luigi I've..." He was cut off by Bowser

"He admitted they were spies." Bowser said

"Mr. Luigi... you didn't." Kamek said, almost jokingly.

"Well... uh..." Luigi stuttered

"You didn't!" Kamek yelled

"He did! I have it here on tape!" Bowser said, pulling out a tape recorder.

Kamek grabbed the tape recorder from Bowser's hand, and began talking into it "Hey I don't know what you heard from this fool here, but those are not spies."

Bowser yelled in frustration as he tried to grab the tape back from Kamek.

"Do you want it? Does the grumpy-wumpy turtle want his tape back? Well go fetch." Kamek opened the front door and swung the tape out. Bowser ran toward the front door, stopping in front of Kamek.

"I will be back! But first the world will hear this confession." Bowser yelled, as he stormed out the door.

"Yeah, and don't come back!" Kamek yelled. He slammed the door behind him, and turned to Luigi. "Luigi! How could you! They're not spies! What happened?"

"I... I don't know! I panicked, I lost control!" Luigi yelled

"What were you thinking!" Kamek yelled

"I was thinking, don't panic, don't loose control!" Luigi yelled

"Pssst! You, you in the green!" a voice from the other room whispered. And the short man in red came out followed by the lady in pink. "Why did you tell him we were spies?" he asked

"I... I don't know! I'm sorry, I just got messed up."

"Obviously." the man said

"Omigod! Mario! Where's Daisy!" the lady in pink said.

"She's in the basement." Kamek said "Ms. Kammy. Please bring the girl up from the basement."

"Yes, Ms. Kammy please bring the girl up from the basement." Luigi mimicked

"What are you, his echo?" the man, presumably Mario, said. Mario and the lady in pink took a seat next to Luigi's desk.

"Anyway, I'm sorry to ask you this, but I'm going to need you stay here for a couple of days just so I can get this all sorted out." Luigi said

"A few days! I need to get back the plumbing business!" Mario shouted.

"So you're a plumber?" Luigi asked.

"Yes. Mario and Sam, best in Toad Town. Here's my card." Mario said, pulling out a card with the names Mario and Sam printed on it.

"Well in order for you to stay here, I'll need some information from you."

"Peach and Mario Mario, from Toad Town Mushroom Kingdom!" the lady in pink, obviously Peach.

"Do you have a job?" Luigi asked

"Nope, just a wife to stays at home."

"Unless you count getting kidnaped. In which case she'd be getting paid over time." Mario said

Peach slapped Mario's leg.

"I also need to know, that for a fact that you guys are not spies." Luigi said

"Of course we're not spies!" Mario yelled

"And the pictures you took... no one paid you to take them, right?"

"Well even if they did, they'd be worthless. Mario held the camera backwards, they're pictures of his nose." Peach said

"Not all of them, one was of my foot."

"And the restricted area... You didn't sneak in or anything?" Luigi continued

"Well I told him it looked suspicious." Peach said, "and he says 'why Peach, because there's guards, and chain chomps, and barbed wire?' and I say 'yes Mario, because there's guards, and chain chomps, and barbed wire.' What did you think it was A place that sold guards, and chain chomps, and barbed wire?"

Suddenly the back door opened, and the lady dressed in orange entered in an overly dramatic scene.

"I'VE been HIDING in the BASEMENT!" With every other word she threw her hands up in the air, practically dancing toward her parents.

"Mr. Luigi. This is my daughter, Daisy." Peach said

Luigi suddenly got this weird look on his face.

"Oh mom, dad, this is amazing! I've never had so much fun." Daisy said

"Fun?" Mario asked, "We almost got killed"

"You're hot!" Luigi said, practically drooling over Daisy.

"Um... thanks. Anyway, you should see the basement! It's so small and cramped, and I never want to go back down there every again in my life! It's wonderful." Daisy said all of this as if it was the best thing that ever happened to her.

"Well if it was for your brother, we wouldn't be in this mess anyway." Mario said to Peach.

"Ah yes my brother! He's the one who suggested we stay here!" Peach said to Luigi who is still in a trance over Daisy's hotness, after a few uncomfortable seconds Peach snapped her fingers in fron of Luigi's face. "Um, Mr. Luigi, would you please stop drooling over my daughter."

"Oh yes, um sorry. As you were saying." Luigi said wiping the drool from his mouth.

"As I was saying, my brother was the one who suggested we go here." Peach repeated

"Yes, it's a lovely place!" Daisy said

"I hate it." Mario complained

"Grouch you hate everything!" Peach said

"No I hate all the things your brother makes me do! Which is everything!" Mario yelled

"Now come on Mario, you can come to learn to love this place!" Peach said "my brother made a good choice, I think so anyway."

"Yeah, well may he rest in peace!" Mario yelled

"Mario, he's not dead." Peach laughed

"Well he should be!"

Well that's it for now. This is only the beginning, so don't worry it will get going and won't be so boring. (and I tried my best to avoid spelling errors)

With all due respect,  
J. R. Williams


End file.
